i should preface this by stating that under normal circumstances, i am fully a legit lesbo. I met a friend of mine at a dance party after an art opening, where i'd imbibed a few glasses of wine. we went to a deli and picked up 3 four lokos and split the bounty. i did *not* black out, but started hump-dancing a dude in a sweater vest (WHAT?). My friend stage-dove and no one caught her, causing her to break her rib, whereupon I left with the dude. we went back to the radio station he owned and had sex on the couch. he slept on the floor and i left my bra there, doing the most brutal walk of shame i have ever experienced.
So the other night, I went to a bonfire at a friends house and decided to drink nothing but loko. I was almost done with my 3rd when someone had the great idea of branding my ass with a metal skewer. Of course I thought it was a great idea at the time. While everyone argued about whether or not to let this happen I decided to test it out the back of my hand, burning the number 11 into it. Note to self...four loko doesn't also act as a pain killer
I bought 4 cans and saved them until last night. I happily drank 3 of them and then 2 hours later was overwhelmed with the worst case of explosive diarrhea I have ever had. I peed brown liquid out of my butt for over 3 hours.
Went to visit some bros and started off the night with 3 cans of this death juice....that's the last thing I remember. Apparently, we got sick of sitting around and walked to the store to continue getting our rage on. On our way, I miserably failed to dropkick a tree and proceeded to tear the back of my shorts and put a 12" gash in my leg. In the store, I ripped off my shirt, had a flex-off with the old lady behind the register with blood dripping down my leg, and got kicked out by the manager. A few hours and a bunch of tackled mailboxes later, I woke up on the bathroom floor with blood soaked shorts stuck to my leg, throwing up dinner/Loko/blood and crying like a little girl....thanks Four Loko
3 four lokos Saturday night paired with a slew of other unintelligent beverage choices, & I wake up naked next to a fully clothed-semi hot guy, an empty bottle of wet platinum, and without my anal virginity.
Had a cranberry lemonade Loko and six beers, went to a dance club with my buddies, and even though I hate to dance, apparently I was tearing shit up. According to witnesses, in my flailing I ended up elbowing this girl in the head on three occasions before we left. When we got back to my friend's dorm I desperately wanted to check my email, but my laptop was in my buddy's room, which was locked. Apparently he had a girl in there, but I was unaware of anything other than the fact that my laptop was in there and I needed it right fucking then. I decided to try ramming the door with my shoulder. I ended up breaking the deadbolt out of the frame. I also ended up bursting in on my friend trying to get it on with none other than the same girl whom I had elbowed in the face earlier that night. Needless to say, she ran the hell out of there, my friend got blueballs and a busted door, and I got to check my email. All in all it worked out pretty nicely.
I'd seen Four Lokos at various parties over the summer and had only taken a few sips of friends' here and there. One night, my girlfriend and her roommates were throwing a party and I decided that I wanted Four Lokos to be my drink of choice. I thought "Hey, how bad can 2 energy drinks really fuck me up? I'm sure that won't even be enough alcohol for the night". Wrong.
After finishing the first one in under 5 minutes, I was already feeling adventurous. We started with some pretty tame drinking games, except I kept losing... but the time we were done, I was rolling across the kitchen floor screaming about, "How badly I wanted grandma's oatmeal cookies more than a blowjob" That's the last thing I remember.
I proceded to attempt to bake said cookies, and next morning I woke up with my head in a mixing bowl that contained flour, unbeaten eggs (the yoke was stuck in my hair), fish sticks, yogurt, oatmeal, and (of course) some Four Loko. I didn't get laid that night.