Ted fucks bitches and gets money on four loko everyday of his life, and he clearly does not give a fuck
Maca root, 250mg
Horny goat weed, 500mg.
That's right. Horny goat weed.
My friend, L, works at a major corporate drugstore. One day he found a pill bottle of the stuff with the outer plastic seal broken, but the inner foil seal intact. Company policy says they can't sell it if a seal is broken, condition, so L pocketed it.
Fast forwards to the following weekend. L, my girlfriend, and I are each sipping on some 4loko, and we get the great idea to take some horny goat weed. That was our second mistake. "Take two per day with meals as a dietary supplement." I eyed the bottle, passed L and my GF a pill each, and tossed one back. After drunkenly peer pressuring eachother, I eventually swallow two more.
Sure enough, an hour down the line, my girlfriend and I run off to the bedroom. Normally we hit some technical difficulties if we've both been drinking before doin' the do, but this time everything flows just fine. In the raging maelstrom of drunk, caffeinated, and horny goat weed fueled sex, she tells me to turn her over (switch positions). I lift her up, lose balance, and her head smacks into the windowsill with a LOUD bang.
"Oh fuck, are you okay, baby?"
-"Uh, yeah, I'm fine."(insinuating I should keep going)
Next morning rolls around, she has a throbbing headache but otherwise seems fine. However, that evening at work she gets extremely dizzy and leaves work to go the emergency room. Doctors diagnosed her with a concussion. A fucking concussion.
I drank 4loko, took horny goat weed, and gave my girlfriend a concussion.
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smuggled 12 cans of loko over the border into Canada for a friend who was desperate to try it. Got him 6 loko deep (1 1/2 cans) and that was enough for him to wind up passing out in a local park in the wet grass getting mosquito bitten while yelling "fuck loko" and calling me a stupid fucking american
i would have left him there to die but i didn't know how to get back to my hotel without paying a $30 cab fare so I waited for him to get up and stumble back. I sat back on the floor of his apartment and waited to fall asleep while giggling to myself as he dry heaved into his toilet and his cat hid in a closet. I myself was a full 12 loko and was just fine. If you can't party with the big boys, don't show up. Fuck you Canada!
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Fear and Loathing
Went to a costume party dressed as Johnny Depp from Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. Drank 2 Lokos. Don't remember exactly how, but my girlfriend and I ended up hooking up on the roof of a completely different house. And I was still in costume
Wilson the Hammock Man
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Drank 6 Four Lokos and forced Obamacare through the house and senate.
Monkey Sno Sno
I kept hearing all of these stories about people dying and going nuts on 4 loko, so I had to try them. Personally, I am more of a beer/weed man myself. But I figured fuck, lets try these things out. I decide to go 8loko (2 four Loko's). After my second one I was on a rampage. Now I live in downtown chicago so going on rampages down the street, people are out, and people will see. It's 23am and I find myself stomping the hood of parked cars, I punched a moving el train full force and busted my knuckle, I flipped over flower baskets outside of an upscale bar. I was laughing the entire time. I went 8loko and that was too much for me. Back to beer, weed and shots.
me and my mates had smuggled some 4 lokos into our house (by smuggled i meen my dads a cop and there banned in england) some being 6 cans. anyways i got totally hammerd drinking 3 all in more or less 1 go's and i found myself in mcdonalds facing the manager having to explain the reason one of his tables had smashed up , and worse still dad found out and i got absolutely crapped on grounded for 2 months AND got a warning for drinkin illegal drinks. LOL!
my friend and i decided to go and buy some breakfast after being drinking a lot of beer and (2 each ) four lokos.... then my sister had to pick us up both of us lost walking on a main street without sandals and looking like a homeless... the car that we used to being driving was at a restaurant dont even why.....
i drank 4 fourlokos at some bitches house and i died
It was nearing 7 pm & was eating dinner with the family and I figured i would grab a four loko out of the fridge, & mix it with some jager... BAD IDEA... (it tasted pretty good with the grape though i must admit) Next thing I knew I had woken up in the morning in a fucking jail cell, apparently i had fucked my 8 year old daughter in the ass hole and slapped my dick against my 11 year old son's face... I apparently also broke the officer's nose when he tried to arrest me and had at some point had a wet dream and woke up in the cell with a terrible hang over, and jizz covering myself... fuck four lokos.