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Here are some Loko Stories:
On my birthday, my roommates and I got a bunch of fourlokos to take home after a night out.
The memories I have of that night are only in pictures, and they are as follows:
-The 5 of us congregated around a huge bowl filled with FourLoko drinking from extra-long "I drink your milkshake" straws. I don't know where we got those. Or even where to get them now.
-Two girls attempting to throw baby carrots into each other's mouths. There are over 30 photos of this.
-Multiple shots of different girls on chairs trying to fan the smoke detector presumably from mass amounts of weed smoke and from all the burning food we attempted to cook that night. There were 5 different unidentifiable dishes leftover in the morning, most of them charred. I am hoping none of us ate any of it.
-Multiple people in, on, or under the toilet for one reason or another.
-Dancing with the maintenance guy, who probably came up to turn off the smoke alarm.
-A 6 person bubble bath that we tried without bubble bath.
(All of the dish soap was gone in the morning.)
-The attempt we made at rolling fourloko cans in one girl's hair like in that Lady Gaga video. 2 of them got stuck.
-Each of us trying to get the cans out of her hair. (I think we gave up because she woke up with one still tangled up in there.)
-Apparently, peanut butter facials.
-Lots and lots of vomit.
-No one had any pants on in any of the photos. Not a single one. Even people that appeared to have come in later to join us also had their pants off.
-Also, almost all of the photos were seemingly taken from the floor.
Had 2 four lokos and 8 shots...went up stairs puked in the girl's room sink then lie down on her bed...girl comes in the room and starts hooking up with me and doesnt notice that i had puked in her sink. My frined comes in the room doesnt notice me hooking up with her and goes in the bathroom i puked in and throws up everywhere in it. Both throw ups in her bathroom were blamed on him and the girl never knew i threw up. i love four loko
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Had four cans of loko and offered a 5 year extension to Donovan McNabb. Thanks Loko.
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Loco por vida
After hearing all the hub-bub about this "blackout in a can" I felt compelled to try this stuff out. I went and bought four of the grape flavor. Looked innocent enough..but that first drink..OMFG..It was like drinking gamma rays laced with cough syrup. Just awful. Being the true drunkard I am I proceeded to drink 3 of them. Feeling the rush of energy coursing through my body I got antsy,and jumpy. Finished the last one & then went to a bar with friends..when I showed up The people around me kept asking me for coke...I was that jacked. A few pitchers/shots and a few poorly done karaoke songs later..I woke up in bed with a bunch of cuts on both hands, my face covered in blood/vomit and fully dressed. My phone was going craaaazy. My head felt like it was split with a dull tomahawk..I try to leave to get something to eat and my car is not there. Great..maybe I will check my phone now. Several angry text/voice messages later and I come to find out I didnt quietly leave the bar after singing two karaoke songs..Thats just when I blacked out. From second hand stories I guess i was heckling some other karaoke singers when some guy tried to start a fight with me...I guess I punched him out, spit on his girlfriend..threw a few bar stools..started fighting the bouncers..getting thrown outside in the parking lot onto my face and proceeded to try to punch out car windows whilst leaving the parking lot. Got into my car and terrorized my poor passenger for 13 city blocks, driving on curbs and throwing up in his lap..I then forgot the gate code to my apartment complex so I left my car at the front gate, lights on, blocking the gate. 8 stitches in my head, cast on right hand..bar might be pressing charges and I may be getting evicted. But hey no DUI. Four Loko is no effing joke.
Wilson the Hammock Man
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After a long night of lokoness i was brought back to this girls room who my boy told me was a straight freak. So obviosly i was all about it. She said "the only rule is I can do whatever I want to you"....so next thing you kno this girl put anal beads up my ass and laid out a towel underneath me. I'm thinking what could possible be next. She then proceeds to suck my dick and tell me to let her kno when i'm gonna cum. So finally i'm about to go and let her know...she rips the anal beads out of my ass...my cumshot hit the ceiling and I shit my draws...without the loko in my system I dont think I would have been in this situation. Thank you Four Loko
I ate a piece of cat shit for $3.17
One night I drank two cans of Four Loko and I remember sitting in a hot tub then sitting at a Subway restaurant hitting my head against the table yelling, "This is my nightmare. This is my hell", then giving a homeless man a high five instead of change, and that was the last thing I remembered. The next morning I woke up soaking wet in the back of a Ford escort by myself shoeless outside of an apartment complex that I lived at two years ago.
scarred for life
so it was my first semester this year in college, and i was gettin rowdy drinkin 4 four lokos. I go out of my room after 2 and im feelin nice. i drink the last 2 and hit up a party and find this girl who looked hot but in reality she was fat and ugly, like a 2 out of 10, i bring her back too my room and we started havin sex and thought i was some kind of pornstar so i go two knuckles deep in her ass with my fingers. then i think shes real wet and after i finish, inside her, i realize this bitch had her period ALL over me, then she starts blowin me, with blood on my dick, and i get freaked out and run outta the room naked with blood all over me, i just happen to run into two campus police officers and they draw their guns on me cuz they literally thought i killed somebody. i spent a few hours in the campus jail until my friends came and explained what happened to the officers. its safe to say i will never drink four lokos again.
not my story, but rather a story from the local newspaper.
about a month back there was a break-in at a convenience store surrounded by the lowest of the low rent apartments. the front glass door was smashed open and some displays had been moved but, aside from the minimal damage, there was no evidence of theft. that is, until the security cameras were checked. what they showed was a young black male walking up to the front door and smashing it open with a hammer. he reaches inside to undo the lock, enters the store and proceeds, in the darkness, to the drink case where he takes, wait for it, a SINGLE can of fourloko.
officers begin canvassing the nearby neighborhoods looking for anyone who may have witnessed any suspicious activity.
an hour or so into their door-to-door search, they come across a man in his apartment who is clearly drunk and holding a can of fourloko. the officer shows the man the security camera picture of the thief and asks if he has seen anyone matching the description. the drunk man stares at the picture for a moment before exclaiming excitedly "that's me!"
he tells officers he had been drinking fourloko most of the night and went to steal more when he ran out. he then led officers to where he had thrown the hammer into a culvert before being carted off to jail.
i have a great respect as well a great fear of anyone who drinks this stuff recreationally.
After sipping gin I was lured into a game of kings. I chugged two in waterfall mode, finished in about half an hour. Blacked out and woke up in the hospital at about 4 am, at which point the night was explained to me. I'd gotten in a fight with a girl, headed to a bar and gotten kicked out. At my friend's house I fell backwards over a table and smacked my head against his door. I hit it hard enough to split open my head leave a blood splatter and pass out in my friend's arms while she held a paper towel to my head. 7 staples. I also apparently told the nurse, "Give it to me straight doc - AM I GONNA LIVE??"
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